Mastering the etiquette of the sex site can be the difference between meeting some great people and getting blocked. Having used a couple of different ones, there is one I come back to time and time again and I’m not alone.
So we’ll start with the basics…
I don’t think it will come as any great surprise but the ratio of men to women on a site like this is very much skewed towards the former. It’s estimated about 5:1.
This means that women on there are inundated with messages. If I’m on the site a fair amount I receive beteeen 150-200 a day. In comparison the guys I know receive 10-15 and half of these will be from other men even if this isn’t something they are looking for.
As a woman, you can therefore chat to a variety of men without ever having to send a message first. It also means you become brutal with the delete button – any messages with just ‘fancy a fuck’ or ‘like your tits’ fall into this category for me.
The danger with this ratio is that some women become incredibly arrogant. Its a confidence boost to regularly receive that many messages from men who are keen to get in your knickers. The reality check for me is that if they are filling my inbox (no pun intended) then I would put money on them doing it to a load of other women at the same time.
Each member is required to fill out a short profile, very similar to a dating site, but with a couple of key differences.
Photos are of course essential, but most people actively keep face photos hidden. Instead they show their bodies and usually some choice shots of them in the ‘act’. Whilst some are great, these photos can range from the sublime to the ridiculous.
A huge number of guys use house hold objects (sky remotes & deodrant cans seem to be the most popular) to compare their cock size to. I’ve also seen photos with things stuck down places, people in full on gimp costumes and one woman with a toilet brush inside her pussy…enough said I think.
The second key difference is a list of sexual preferences which range from dogging to spanking to making sex videos. I’m not sure anyone pays a huge amount of attention to these, as in reality once you get chatting to someone you ask them. But I guess if you are after something very specific it can help.
The third element shows whether you are willing to accommodate people at your place or only travel. Now this I do pay quite a lot of attention to, because whilst I can do both, my preference is to go to someone, rather than have them at mine. It’s also an instant give away for those married/attached men on the site and whilst it might be uncomfortable to hear there are a huge amount of these. If a 42 year old guy says he can’t accommodate you can almost guarantee he has a partner.
Like any normal site you then have a free text section where you can talk about yourself. Now this is an eye opener! Some people keep it very short and to the point. Others rant on for pages and pages about what they do and don’t want. Again you see the arrogance of a number of people come through here, and occasionally the weird.
The thing people pay the most attention to on the site is the verifications. These you receive from other people who you’ve either met or cammed with, and essentially help others to know you are genuine.
When I look at someone’s verifications I’m focused on three things: how many, who have they slept with, what did they say about that person.
Whilst it’s not an exact science, the how many gives you a gauge as to how picky the person is. Anything above the 15-20 mark and I start to become cautious. If they have met a number of different people in a short period this also puts me off.
The who, gives you an indication of the quality of the people they sleep with. Totally subjective I know, but in a local area even as big as London you would be surprised how insestuous the site becomes so you may well have a sense of people.
The what they’ve said also reveals quite a lot for me. Some verifications can describe a meet in great detail, others are more discreet. No prizes for guessing which I prefer!
The irony of all of this, is that I very rarely give verifications, nor ask people I’ve met to verify me. I’d rather keep who I’ve met private and I don’t feel the need to confirm we had a good time, if we did chances are I’ll be seeing them again.
So with receiving that many messages you wouldn’t be surprised to here the quality varies massively.
Some people will literally just message ‘hi’ or ‘how are you’ – for me this lacks inventiveness and effort.
Some people will immediately launch into asking for sex or ask if you want to meet them right now – I struggle to think of any women who would respond positively to this.
Others will just verge on the weird – I’ve been offered money for sex acts more times than I can count, as well as a few offers to get me pregnant.
For me the best type of message is something reasonably generic with either no reference to sex, or a balance. This shows me you are capabale of thinking and talking about other things and are serious about starting a conversation. If it’s a couple messaging I prefer it if they tell me who I’m talking to, so that I can tailor my response a little more.
The loving or loathing
The downside of the site, like any kind of social media is the addiction. The lure of the messages is one thing, but the people watching is also fascinating. As I said, you’d be surprised how even in London you become quite familiar with regular users. And when I’ve spoken to people I’ve met, they have often clocked the same people and have the same views as me.
At times the site can be brilliant. I have had some of my best sex with people from there and genuinely met some of my closest friends. At other times, it can be frustrating and boring, you feel like you are just chatting to time wasters (and there are a lot of those) or rarely finding anyone decent to meet.
These days I tend to go through periods when I’m on there every few hours and then weeks and months when I rarely log on. For most people who have used it for any considerable period, the lure is too strong to leave, or at least not to return at some point.
For all it’s faults, it’s an easy way to meet people with the same agenda as you which can’t be such a bad thing.