The best sub

In this lifestyle, privacy is critical.

For me this means that no one in my ‘real life’ knows about anyone I see and I’d say this is fairly common for those who play in swinging circles.

In my life, there is the protection of what is a fairly senior job to consider as well as retaining the annonomity of the people I play with. I think even the most ‘open minded’ of my friends would struggle with the concept, particularly now most of them have settled down or are searching for the ‘one’. And as for my family….well surely that’s just bloody obvious!

Given the amount of my week spent playing (on average probably three or four nights) there is a fair amount of my time ‘unaccounted’ for. To limit suspicion, if asked, I reference seeing generic friends, usually male. Being a bit of a tom boy and a huge football fan, I have a lot of male friends, so this works well. When it comes to questions about dating, again I keep it quite generic – usually that I’m seeing someone, but it’s early days and then a few months later maybe it’s fizzled out.

At times, taking this approach can be hard. I’ve referenced the disfunctional nature of some of the men I play with, and sometimes there is nothing I want more than to pick up the phone to my best friend and ask their advice or have a moan. I also don’t feel 100% happy not divulging big chunks of my life to people I care about, but I guess it’s a necssary evil.

I do however have an outlet for my antics and anguish – my best sub M. I met M online when as part of a couple we were searching for other guys to join us (for those of you who’ve read it there is a brief reference at the end of my first date post). M fitted in the bill, in that he was horny, filthy and openly bi.

We got chatting as a three and arranged to meet up. But before this happened M came up in my ‘people you may know’ on Facebook and I discovered he had a girlfriend that he hadn’t told us about – lesson learnt for anyone planning to cheat in the future! At the time, this wasn’t something I was comfortable with so we went our separate ways.

A few months later we got chatting again this time just one on one. By this stage I’d come across a lot more people with girlfriends or wives, and I was more sympathetic towards the situation. I won’t go into the morals of this now we’ll cover this in another post!

Anyway, M and I got on great. He has a real sub tendency, and given I hadn’t had much dom experience it was something that intrigued me. Our chats were filthy and varied, given that very little shocks either of us. When we did play, it was hot, involving some of the best kissing I think I’ve ever done.

Unfortunately due to our schedules and distance, meeting regularly is pretty impossible. However, we have been fortunate enough to develop a great friendship and this is something I really treasure.

Much to his sometimes annoyance, I tell M everything! He’s the one person I feel I can be completely honest with about my life, the things I’m getting up to and who I’m seeing. I hope he would say the same. I drive him mad with the anguish, but I also think I make him laugh with the stories. It also helps that I rarely have to explain anything, whether it’s kinks, situations or just dynamics.

As much as I love it, this life can sometimes feel quite lonely, and genuinely having M in my life makes it that little bit easier. I’d suggest to anyone that is looking to embark on it, or is already in it to find your best sub.


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