In my previous post I touched on playing with men in relationships. For some of you this will be one of the most uncomfortable things I talk about, and I can understand why.
I very much used to be of the view that I wouldn’t go there – bad karma and the potential for a lot of drama and hurt if the other half found out! Whilst I never seek it out, over time I’ve slightly changed my view and I thought I’d explain why.
I would estimate around half the ‘single’ men on the site and a good proportion of the women are involved. Some are very up front either on their profile or within their first few messages. Others try and hide it, but you get an instinct for sniffing them out anyway.
So why do they pursue something extra? It’s a cliche, but most of them would say lack of sex or boring sex at home. Is this a good enough reason for straying? Is sex really that important? Is this just BS used to have your cake and eat it?
The answers are complicated.
Lack of sex in a relationship can have a huge impact. I remember my playmate P telling me about a relationship of 11 years he was in. They had sex on average once every 6 months despite him trying to increase this. Over time, this had a massive impact on his self esteem – was he unattractive? did she not fancy him anymore? Whilst he didn’t cheat, it was a major factor in the end of their relationship and very difficult period in his life.
For others, whilst sex with their partner might be regular, it can be unfulfilling. They may have sexual kinks that they either don’t feel comfortable pursuing with or have had refused by their partner. Ok so sex is still sex, but there is one argument that says having a boring sex life is almost as bad as none.
Yes, absolutely in both these cases there is an argument for talking to your partner, sharing your frustrations and maybe ending things rather than cheating. But we’ve all been in complicated relationships in the past, and some have major sticking points yet you still want to be with the person, so I think that it’s sometimes easier said than done.
So what’s it like to play with an attached person? In some respects, and I am aware this sounds terrible, I find it easier. Often if I’m playing with someone for awhile then I start to develop feelings for them even if I know this is largely futile. If I know someone is already attached from the start this doesn’t happen. Its like they were off limits from the start so it becomes more about having fun.
Of course there are the downsides. Thank god no one I’ve played with (and there have only been a very small amount) has ever been discovered by their other half. But of course it could happen. Would I feel terrible to be involved in maybe ruining someone’s relationship? Of course I would. Does the thought stop me? Not if I like the person enough, no.
So whilst I have done it, I guess I’d say I’m still undecided about where the morals on this sit….