When I’m dumb

Last night I did the mother of all dumb things. The guy from age 17 had to cancel so I was home with nothing to do. Usually this is fine. I actually like my own company – time to curl up with the cats, watch a box set and have a drink. But I’m mid rampage so this just wasn’t cutting it.

Now some men just have an instinct for messaging you at exactly the right, or depending on how you look at it, wrong moment. On Wednesday when I was feeling blue I got a message from Mr ‘your bigger than I like but despite that I’ll fuck you’. It was the first time since I sent him a way with a flea in his ear for being so fucking condescending.

He was very nice and apologetic and when he heard I was feeling down very sympathetic. I wasn’t entirely forgiving but life is too short to hold grudges over stuff like this. I’m not making excuses, even now, but he actually isn’t a bad person. He just has a very strange way of phrasing things sometimes which maybe in his brain are intended as something nice or honest, but actually just make you want to punch him in the face (and with my XXL size yes I could fucking take him!)

So Saturday night, I’m sitting around with nothing to do and he messaged me again. Asking if I’m feeling better blah blah blah. 20 messages later he’s at his default ‘I really do think I might be ready to date you’ and 10 messages on ‘Are you busy tonight because it would be really great to see you, I’m really horny’

Now I don’t want to sound like a chump (where the hell did that word come from) even though I probably am one. But I honestly have no interest in dating this guy. There was about 45 seconds a few months back when it seemed like a good idea. But regardless of our latest encounter we actually have very little in common and he really isn’t my type.

But I was bored, and horny and so I went round there anyway.

Soon after arriving we start kissing and then I’m going down on him. What makes the situation worse is that the sex is not even good with this guy. He’s like the most tense person I’ve ever been with.

The first time we fucked he spent the entire time talking. And I don’t mean dirty talking, but literally almost nonsense coming out of his mouth because  he just couldn’t shut up. Given I usually fuck guys who are pretty confident this was not the worlds biggest turn on, but ok cut him some slack I thought.

The three or four times we’ve had sex since then he’s calmed down a little but you still get the impression that he’s worried his mum is going to burst in at any moment (she’s about 10 miles away). He says he likes a blow job, but then spends the whole time you are doing it checking if you want to be doing something else instead.

This time I asked him to fuck me from behind with my knickers on, which I really enjoy. But he spent the whole time worrying about how they were rubbing against his cock, so I can’t say this was exactly the filthy fuck I was looking for.

So the sex was over and we walk down the road to get some food. We’re chatting on the way back and he tells me this story of a girl he was seeing a few years ago. They arranged a night in a hotel, they fucked and then pretty much straight after he told her he didn’t really feel ready for a relationship and she got upset and cried. Well at least I know it’s not just me who’s experienced the punching urge!

By 11 he was giving me the hint that he wanted me to head home. Fair enough I thought he does have to work the next day. I text him when I got in just to let him know I was back and heard nothing. I woke to a text this morning simply saying ‘have a nice rest of the weekend’

I couldn’t resist it, I just replied ‘lol’ and heard nothing more back. Guess he’s not ready to date me after all!!!!

Do I feel dumb? Yes!

Not because I honestly wanted or believed anything different, but because regardless of those things this still dented my confidence a bit and for what gain? I had crap sex, I had Nando’s I went home and felt a tiny bit shitty. I could have stayed home, had Nando’s and felt a little less shitty without the crap sex.

Lesson learnt next time he texts – don’t bloody reply!

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