I’ve been agonising over the past few weeks about what I should do about the Dom. To be honest, I’ve been agonising about it for one reason or another for the past year.
We met online, not on a sex site but just a normal dating one and it was about 6 weeks before we actually met – for some reason I just wasn’t sure. One night I headed round to his, and he was pretty much everything I look for – confident, big cock, easy to get on with and good in bed.
I saw him again later that week and the story was very much the same, but I still had my doubts. He was due to go on holiday for two weeks and just before he went he called me telling me that his ex had been in contact which had annoyed him, but basically confessed that he’d cheated on her throughout the relationship – ok not a keeper I thought!
He’d said that he wouldn’t really be using his phone while he was away, and I fully expected not to hear from him again. But surprisingly I got a message from him on his way home from the airport asking me to come over that night. From there we started to see each other regularly, but very much in an open relationship, and we had our first couple of threesomes – MMF’s which were fun.
About a month later, he told me that he wasn’t going to see anyone else unless it was with me, so I agreed to the same. I was starting to like the guy despite my better judgement. He excited me, he pushed my boundaries and we had fun. But he did have a temper.
A few weeks after, we had our first big row. I can’t even really remember what it was about but we pretty much argued for two days straight. To get back at him I organised a date and he told me he’d done the same and we both fucked other people. The next day we made up and carried on as before but it was the first time I’d experienced his manipulation.
He started getting busy at work and we weren’t seeing each other quite as much. We continued to argue every now and again but we always made up. I was suspicious that he was seeing girls behind my back, and a few looks at his phone pretty much confirmed this was the case. Now I’d never normally advocate doing this – it’s not really my style, but I wanted to know if I was being a mug.
Increasingly I was in a huge dilemma. When we were together it was great. When we argued it was terrible – he was grumpy and manipulative like no one I’d ever met. People I spoke to about it told me I needed to walk away, that it wasn’t worth it and it was upsetting me. Scarily I knew they were right, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, despite that I pretty much knew he was lying to me.
Around 6 months in, he went quiet on me, saying he was working late a lot. It turned out he had actually met his ex and they had attempted to get back to together. Without going into a massive story it didn’t work, it caused a lot of trouble for him at work, and he came to me for help. I should have walked away then, but I think part of me just expected that he would cheat and I felt sorry for the situation he was in.
I don’t know why, but things continued. I wasn’t worried about his ex, that part seemed done but I stopped trusting him and that’s when I started to see other people. I know that makes me no better than him, but irrationally I hoped that if I met someone good enough they might give me the strength to walk away.
One night, I went round there after he’d been out and was a little drunk. We were lying in bed and he asked me if I loved him ‘no’ I said ‘I thought I did for awhile but I dont. Do you love me?’.
‘I like you a lot and you get under my skin. You drive me mad at times but I can’t give you up’ was his reply. It’s probably the most honest we’ve ever been with each other.
In January, he was going through a stage of not seeing me. It had probably been a month, and he was constantly busy with work or not in the mood to play. He kept telling me to go and meet others, that as long as I sent him a video it was fine. I said no, I wasn’t interested really, but he wouldn’t let it go.
I was getting increasingly frustrated, so I deleted our couples account on the site, blocked him on whatsapp and felt like for the first time I was going to walk away. I’d been talking to someone else and I was planning to meet them the next day and have a clean break.
Well of course he called me, ranting down the phone, asking what was wrong with me. And stupidly I let him talk me around. I did however go ahead with my meet the next night, and for once I thought I’d be honest with him so the next morning I told him where I’d been.
Despite all his encouragement he went mental. Hated the thought that I’d been with someone without his ‘permission’. I did however seem to prompt him into seeing me and I went round there that night for my ‘punishment’.
Since then we’ve argued a lot. He brings it up constantly, I throw his ex back in his face. We go round and round in circles until he blocks me, a few hours later he calms down and unblocks me. But when we aren’t arguing we’ve become increasingly couple like and the threesome the other week actually seemed to help.
I’ve brought up the ‘girlfriend’ thing with him a couple of times. I feel like after a year I’ve earned that status, although I have no real idea why I want it. But he isn’t having any of it. He says he doesn’t do them because of his work (he’s in the army) and because he knows he won’t be in London much longer.
Last weekend, I laid in bed next to E and realised I was falling for him and that means the Dom needs to go. But again, do I have the strength to do it?
I gave him one chance – and asked again why I couldn’t be his girlfriend, accepting that he was going to move and not really asking for anything to change. He went mental, telling me he wasn’t going to see me anymore, that he was going to give me space. This resulted in 2 days of arguing. I’d like to say that I never tried to convince him to see me, but I’m ashamed to admit I did. However, I thought – ok finally this is over, I am ok with that.
Then two hours later, I get a text saying sorry. Something he rarely does, and I’m back to square one…..
I don’t know how to move forward. The intelligent, strong woman wants to tell him where to go, block him and never speak to him again. But the weak, vuberable part of me that cares about him and allows him to manipulate me, will keep going back. I don’t seem to be able to break the cycle no matter how hard I try. But I do need to find the strength, for myself, for things with E and because when he moves next year it will happen anyway.