I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships recently. Partly because for the first time in over a year I’m in one that I’m actually happy and secure in, but a few friends have also given me cause to think about them.
I’ve come from a weekend with the feeder. Now I know I said in my last post that I wouldn’t see him, but I ended up agreeing to go round there as friends, and for once in my life I actually stuck to that rule. Wow I’ve changed!
We spoke quite a lot about relationships, his last one obviously with the girl who accused him of killing her dog. I asked him why when he’d been so unhappy with her pre dog death he decided to get back with her. The answer was simple – she text and he was lonely.
The fact she asked him mid sex how many other women he’d been with since they broke up should have been an alarm bell, but it took four months before he came to his senses (incidentally he told her one, the actual number was three).
Even after break up number two, which this time he insigated he’s still messaged her a couple of times. The fear of being alone mixed with rather too much alcohol being the cause. A year off 40 and with his best friends and brother married off with kids he had tried to settle, knowing ultimately this wasn’t the right person for him. And I guess it’s not a shock that it didn’t work out.
On the flip side P is trying his best to avoid a relationship by having one without admitting it. He and his best friend have been ‘messing about’ for a few years. But they also go on holiday together, see each other most weekends, go for dinner with each other’s families.
When asked P will maintain that he loves her, but isn’t in love with her and therefore she can’t ever be his girlfriend. Thus he continues to search for the right person. Now I’ve never met the girl but you don’t have to be a mind reader to know she’s hoping he never finds them and will eventually realise he actually loves her.
It can only end with someone getting hurt, and almost did recently when she accidentally got pregnant but sadly miscarriaged not long after. But rather than do the right thing and either be with her or stop ‘messing about’ he continues because he doesn’t want to be lonely.
Finally the best sub messaged me last week to say that he’s coming off the sex site and going to make a proper go of things with his gf. Now I couldn’t be happier for him, and I really hope that it works out. However, the one piece of advise I offered was that if it didn’t work out, he needed to end it, because life is too short to be unhappy with someone even if you are lonely.
It’s the same for me with the Dom. I stayed with him for a year, despite all the crap and heartache, because he filled a part of my life and I was scared to lose that. Now I’m at the stage where we barely speak, not because we’ve fallen out, but just because I can’t really be bothered anymore. It’s run it’s course and I’d be really surprised if I saw him again.
I wonder how many people out there get into or stay in relationships because of loneliness!